The Super Helper (429)

Christopher Keisler is emerging as one of the great helpers of our time.  He loves to help people.  He thrives on helping mom set the table, helping dad rake up the leaves, help mom water the garden, help dad make the french toast, or paint a picture for his grandparents.  Whereas I am not that interested in helping other people--I am primarily driven by the things that I want to do--Chris seems to be driven by other's interest in him. 

Chris is a very social guy.  He is also a very sensitive guy at age 5, and is always aware of the people around him, what they are doing, and what he perceives that they think about him.  While I have always focused on activities--games, setting up a baseball field, the next thing--and don't focus as much as the people around me, Chris is very much driven by his connection to others.  While I am focused on winning the game and will play with whoever is available (hopefully they are good), Chris is very focused on the interaction with other people and the game doesn't matter as much.  

Recently, we have been playing lots of "Pick Up Sticks" and "Don't Wake Up Daddy". Sometimes we play in the morning, sometimes at night.  Sometimes we play on the living room floor or the kitchen table.  Sometimes we play in the playroom or outside on the back patio.  But what is interesting is that Chris just likes to play. He sometimes tries to cheat a little here and there, but is more driven by getting attention (sometimes good or bad), than he is in winning the game.  He loves to tell jokes, laugh, and be with other people.

Chris has also been helping mom out a lot at the Community Garden.  He loves to go with mom (alone) to the Garden to weed, plant, water and cart compost back and forth.  We have a theory that Chris loves watching plants grow--he has always been interested in their development--but more so that he loves to take care of something (like his baby doll Tyler), to cultivate something, and to spend time with his favorite person: mom.  It is something that has become stronger in him and is emerging as an important part of his being happy--to help others.

This past week, Chris got a note from Ms. Sanchez for talking too much at school (no surprise).  Interesting is what he did with the note.  Instead of bringing it home to mom, he brought it out onto the playground and tore it up. Because this act was witnessed by another student, Ms. Sanchez reconstructed the note and wrote a new one.  Ultimately, the note made its way home, much to the chagrin and amusement of everyone.  We are not sure why Chris was so upset by the admonishment, but perhaps it has something to do with his love, care, and interest in his relationships--and what people think about him.  

As a big brother, I have a mercurial relationship with my little brother.  Given that I am so driven by games, the rule, by winning, I often run Chris over for cheating, not doing it right, or not following the rules.  I want to help him to be a winner.  I want him to play by the rules and play hard...to enjoy the rush of victory.  However, he isn't interested in winning or even progressing in the game; he is interested in spending time with me--telling jokes, laughing, and my attention to him.  It is probably nothing new, but two brothers have very different personalities and motives.  Sometimes they clash with each other, but then there are the times that we can't stop laughing.  Chris is a wonderful little guy, a good little brother, and a guy that can help to balance me out.